The Grrl

Well....

2007-11-30T20:40:13Z

I got a new tattoo... However, the place that I love was not where I got it.. Why? Because the owner decided he was going to be the only one runnin' the show, so I have NO IDEA where my artist went! I am a sad, sad grrl. Anyway, I ended up going to the shop where my sister in law has gotten her tats, as well as my cousin in law and their friends. The artist, Eli, did amazing work. I am definitely going back to him in a few weeks to fix my star on my back and make a design going down my leg from it. I am stoked! Anyway, my new ink is of Tazzy's paws. I Love Love Love it!!!

Also, I have been trying to work out a bit more, and yesterday I was doing one of my workouts, and I had the treadmill at the highest incline, and now it won't go down. I am so bummed about it. It's at an incline of 10, but when I tell it to go down it says it's all the way down, so I tried tricking it and telling it to go up. It makes the going up noise, but doesn't move, then tells me it's all the way up! UGGH!!! I hope it will fix itself in a bit when I try it. I was only 17 minutes into my workout when it did that to me yesterday. Booo!!!

I really need to go to the doctor though. My girl parts have been hurting me something fierce lately and I've gained 6 pounds 4 months ago, in a day and I can't shed it. I did nothing differently.. And that's when I started having massive pains again... I'm hoping I have another cyst (not really) but that would explain the weight gain.. And it's all right there in my abdomen.. Of course, I suppose I could be preggars, even though I am on the pill and I've being getting my shiz every month.. I suppose it's still possible, but I hope not!!!! My dad said he'd go with me to the dr.s and then I decided he thinks I have cancer too. I had this weird feeling the other day in the car and I thought "I don't want to have cancer" and I can't shake it... So, then my mom said, "No, he just wants to be the first to know if you're pregnant." lol. I was like, well I'm not!! So, hopefully I'll get in to see her sooooon! And hopefully she'll say, oh you're not pregnant, it's just another cyst or something along those lines. Oh, and also she should tell me it's not cancer....

Ok.. I'm finished rambling!

Chargin the Ipod

2007-09-25T21:18:39Z

so I can go workout. :) I am so bored right now. Poots is on Graveyard now, so I'm sleeping alone at night, and he's sleeping during the day. So, today, my day off... I'm completely bored, so I decided I'll workout a bit. Hopefully he'll wake up around 5 and we'll be able to go to the store and chillax for a bit!

Unfortunately, my ipod's batts were completely dead, so it's going to take a while for them to charge up, and since he's sleeping I can't just put on the radio or anything. :(

I think I'm going to make a tat appointment soon! I'm so in need of a new one.. And to get this last one fixed! I know the next tat is Taz's paws, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this star. If he can't make it look more leopard print and brighter, I think I'll just make it all black and do another one on the other side, and maybe do a star belt. I'm not sure. It's just gotta get fixed! Even my skin feels different there, because he went to deep.... I've NEVER had such an issue with a tat, and this one turned green, thank gosh I know how to heel myself. I'm definitely never going back there. I'm just sticking with my great artist, Joe from now on!

*******

I'm soooooo excited for Halloween! I cannot stand it. We are supposed to be throwing a party with the car club, which should be fun. I've already put together some awesome decorations. I've got a costume, now we just gotta figure out what Poots will be. I have goodie bags for the children too! I'm totally all set! It will be freakin' awesome. Halloween is definitely my FAVORITE celebration of the year!!

Well, I guess that's all for now. Hugs!!!

...

2007-09-06T17:42:10Z

I've been working my fanny off the last few weeks (not litteraly, unfortunately). And have had very little time to get on here. Nothing really new going on. Haven't lost anymore weight. Booo.. I wish that the lady would let me know if I got the job or not, so I could put together my new workout plan. If I knew, it'd be so much easier. If I get the job, I'd probably be working until noon everyday, and then I could come home and go on the treadmill 5 days a week for a few hours at a time, and I'd probably be super thin really soon. First though, she's got to let me know, if I don't get it, I'll figure something else out, but if I do, it'll still be a few weeks til I can start, cos they'll have to find a replacement where I am right now. I always change positions at the library because I get bored doing one thing for too long, and after last week, I just can't stay where I am any longer.

Uggh. I'm also looking for a halloween costume, because we might be having a halloween party to go to... if the club drama knocks off! I want to be pretty fit and sexy for that. As of right now, no dice. haha. I feel disgusting. I don't even want my husband to look at me, that's how awful I feel! I mean, I am in the 120s, so I am definitely a hell of a lot smaller than I used to be, but I still feel gross!!!

Well, I think I'll stop here for now, don't wanna get myself into a depression right before I go to work.

Kisses!

Uggh

2007-08-23T21:16:24Z

Well, I've been trying to get better... Or something. I dunno. It's like I'm ok with being in the 20s but if anything says higher, I freak out. So, my scale is still at the old house, so I'm using my mom's which I know is about 5 pounds different than mine, but still makes me feel like a fatass!!! So, I'm back to eating very little to none. I can't help it. I tried to be good, I tried to not care, but I do care. I care way too much for my own good. So, I work from 4-9 and don't plan on really eating when I get home. Unless of course, I'm forced. I figure if I use my mom's scale I'll weigh even less than if I used my scale in no time, cos I'll want my mom's to say what mine would say, which would make mine say even smaller.

Le Sigh...

Also, I am trying to make myself look prettier. Like I actually did my hair today instead of just throwing it into a pony. I'm also planning on wearing some eye makeup. We shall see. Hopefully I'll look stellar.

So far today, I've just had a bit of candy and a low fat string cheese. That's hopefully all I'll have for the day!

I'll keep posting regularly though.

Hugs~

Grrl

Been Awhile...

2007-08-14T20:34:50Z

Well, it's been a long ass time since I've written on here. But why not! I'm supposed to be packing, but I'm not motivated. In fact I really want to do something, maybe sing, but my mic is at the new house and I'm at the old one. Boooo...

So, a lot has been going on and it's gone by so quickly.

I've already been married for 2 weeks and 2 days or something close to that. It's crazy! I love being married. I mean it's not a whole lot different than before, but I dunno it is at the same time. I loved planning for it, even though I was totally stressed!!!

Our honeymoon was so much fun! Disneyland was a blast even though it was sooooo incredibly crowded! I still had so much fun!

Now, I'm back to work, and soooo ready for a new job. I applied to a couple places but still have not heard back. There's a new position open where I am working, it's less hours, but no weekends.. So, it's good and bad. I'm almost tempted to apply for it until I find something else.

In October I should be receiving two AAs... I can't wait!! I'm also planning on going back to school, but for something different I think. I found a program at Stan State that's totally online for Vet Assistant work. That could be really fun!

Right now, I'm just trying to save to get our own place and for the next tats. haha. Well, I guess I'll go back to packing, and maybe I'll update this thing more often!

lol

2006-08-23T22:50:57Z

Sorry, I don't really update this anymore, cos I pretty much have been sticking to myspace. :P

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=10188251

<3

Nothingness...

2006-02-15T04:35:39Z

So, this past weekend, Shan got a hamster. :) Everybody be smilie for me. hehe. I named her Kao. She's so cute, but she did bite my finger, and I bled profusely.. and now my finger is blue. lol. Oh welp!

Here are some new pix.

Argh.

2006-02-01T07:40:03Z

I am really going crazy. The Grrl sees all of these women that she knows and ones she doesn't that are married or are getting married. I'm going crazy. lol. I don't know why. I've never been crazy crazy crazy about marriage and children but now, that's all I can think about.

Also, I feel like I have nooooo fucking time to do anything anymore, between work and school. I go to bed late, get up for school, get home, change, work, and get home at 9... Then, I don't have time to do the things that I wanted to do, like workout, because I can't workout when my family is trying to sleep. Plus, I have to do homework. Then I go to the boi's and sleep. Everything begins again. I hate this!!! In the next two weeks, I have to request two days off and I already requested one day off. So, it sucks ass. I feel like I'm rushing through and not being able to take the time to do the things I want to do.

We are also in the process of moving to Modesto, no, not the we I'd like to be talking about, but we as in my parents and I... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pix

2006-01-14T06:20:49Z

that's me... a complete goober!

Gonna be a supermodel...

I guess that's it for now. More soon, I hope!!!

Apologies...

2006-01-13T22:51:36Z

I have not updated in awhile, and so I figured I would. It's Friday the 13th, 8 months ago on Friday the 13th, I got in the accident that led to two surgeries... and a fear of this day. I had to go to school today, and on my way there and back I saw so many horrendous accidents. One truck was flipped, in another accident a car's guts were hanging out of the top of the hood, and another accident had caution tape. I was totally freaking out. I am so glad to be back in Ripon, although I am not at my house, I am at my boi's and shortly I will be in my home, to hide under a rock until midnight when he gets off of work.
Now, let me tell ya about my most recent surgery... I went in thinking that I had a 5 inch cyst attached to my left ovary but centered in my pelvis, and a 3 inch cyst on my right ovary... Turns out the 3 inch one left, and the 5 inch one grew and was actually attached to my right ovary as well. When my doctor went in she was shocked at what she found. I had a cyst the size of a cantaloupe! She was surprised that I could even walk... LoL.. I guess so. I will hopefully get pix at my next post-op! My mom, aunt, and boifriend got to see them. Anyway, I went to the store a couple of days ago, and held a cantaloupe up to my pelvis, and it wasn't a big cantaloupe, in fact, it was a rather small cantaloupe that I held up to myself, and it took up over half of my pelvic area. I am only a cantaloupe and a half wide at my hips... So, I can't believe I had that thing in me. It's amazing. Anyway, I am finished typing for now. I have to get ready to go home.
Peace and Stars~
Shan

Pretty Much... Little Differences

2005-12-27T19:53:28Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	20%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

ARGH...

2005-12-21T09:18:50Z

Welp, tomorrow is the big day...
At 9:30 AM, I'll be in surgery. I am so nervous. I am actually really scared about this surgery... more than the gallbladder, more than the breast reduction... I don't know why... Maybe it's the thought that there is a possiblity that I may lose an ovary... not that that will hurt my chances of having children, just that I will have lost it... and won't be able to afford to lose the other... I'm certainly a ball of nerves. I've barely eaten today... And, when I did, I got sick... So, there goes that. I won't be able to eat real food for a few days, because that's the way I work after having surgery. I am very scared... More than I should be, I think...

Welp, I hope everyone has an awesome Holiday, and I'll update as soon as I can. Take Care!!

Her Life...

2005-11-18T14:31:23Z

So, The Grrl... She did this wonderful thing. She applied for something that she's been wanting to apply for, for the longest time... Welp... They accepted her. The Grrl is so super happy, she cannot even stand it. Wow. She cannot at this time say what it specifically is, because she knows that others will try to do the same... So, at this time... It's confidential... Just be proud of her. :)

No, I'm not touching myself.

So, these are sexy new photos for people to enjoi... LoL.. Or not!

pix

2005-11-07T07:26:29Z

We are such Goobers!

Rockin' the Titleist hat.

Totally in the middle of singing, I paused for a break... This is the shot I took.

Love!

Front of Right ankle... Strength!

Front of Left ankle... Hope! I know those two shots look funny, but that is because the tats are right above the beginning of my foot, and I had my feet pointed like a ballerina.
Oh, and the boi gave me a promise ring on Friday. I was a very happy grrl. :)

TOPLESS! LoL. Lovin' it!

Work It Out

2005-10-28T00:02:05Z

So, I just received my Bif Naked cd, FINALLY... Now, I have 5 Bif cds. YAY! Anyway, She is gorgeous... but mostly, I am in love with her body. She has a gorgeous body. I am so inspired. So, I need to come up with a new workout routine. I need to shape up. I need a body in which all of my art will look superb. She has so many tattoos and it looks amazing, because her body is so beautiful. She has a nice flat stomach with muscle, but not too much. She has GORGEOUS legs, again with muscle, but not too much. Her arms are thin with muscle, but everything just looks soooo.... I can't even describe it... So, yea. Maybe I can start getting in shape, so all of my weight loss will look even more amazing. I've lost 80 pounds, and I need to get my body in shape, so all the skin tightens up and stuff.

Anyway, today was horrid. I woke up and basically doubled over. It was not very fun. I'm feeling a little better now, but I seriously feel like something is tearing my right ovary. That's really the best way to explain it... It feels like it's ripping off or apart.. It's so painful.

I guess that is all I have to say really, so I am going to go sing for a little bit, before I go to Pootus's. I can't wait to see my bug.
Peace, Stars, Hidden Scars~
Shan

YAY!

2005-10-20T07:38:16Z

I AM SO VERY IN LOVE! I AM TICKLED BY IT! HUGS TO EVERYONE!!! GOODNIGHT!

Screw The Life Out Of Me...

2005-10-14T06:40:10Z

I don't know why, but I am severely depressed right now. I feel used. I feel like trash that's just thrown around whenever people feel like it. I don't know why, but this is what I'm feeling. I wish I could just feel good about myself, for once. I just want to feel appreciated, like I did something right, or something good for someone... However, no matter what I do to try to make things perfect, it falls just short, or fails me completely... Everyday, I feel myself slipping further into the black abyss that I have been used to for ten long years. I want so badly to be free of it, but I feel so safe inside.

I cry a lot more than I have in the past. This year has been one hell of a ride, and it's not over yet...

I have no self-confidence.
I have no control.
I have no love for myself...... Which brings me to my expectations... How can I expect Pootus to love me if I don't love myself? How can I expect him to not be scared, when I'm scared myself.. Not of hurting him, but of hurting myself, which will ultimately hurt him.
I cried while he was sleeping, and he didn't even know it. I cried because I felt my heart bursting through my chest. I felt my blood pulse in my veins, and I wanted to badly to let some of it go. I cried because I needed my one drug, and I couldn't use it. I couldn't use it, because I love him and I want to prove to him that I love him more than my box of sharp objects.

Why can't I just be his one perfect thing. Why can't I figure out what he wants from me? What he needs? FUCK!!!
Baby... I just want you to love me forever. I just want to be exactly what you want. You deserve the best, and I want to give you that... I don't want to be afraid that another grrl is going to catch your eye, because I'm not everything you want. I hate myself for being so low, so lame, and so jealous.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER
I suggest that if you don't want to read about my depression or my mushy ass mind, that you refrain from reading the cut.

If I'm Out Of Line, Push Me Back In...

2005-10-12T06:37:55Z

So, I don't know what the hell my problem is. I'm such a dumb-fuck sometimes. I'm push things too far. Okie, so I keep on him about everything, and I don't know why. I think it's starting to get to him, and I'm tired of bringing it up because of that... Unfortunately, I can't help but bring it up. It's always in my head. I've never felt like this before. I'm always asking if he wants to move into an apartment together. I'm always wondering why he doesn't want to. I want to marry him so badly, and I've told him too many times... He doesn't say much when I bring up the subject. I'm an idiot sometimes, I swear it. Why am I so antsy about it?! That's what I want to know... This is NOT a Shannon thing... It's a stupid grrlie thing... but now it's taken over me!!!! It's seriously depressing me more and more.

Tonight, I asked him so many questions trying to find a reason for his quietness and reserved attitude toward the whole subject... I couldn't get anything out of him... I hate pestering him, but I'm always doing it! I don't know what my problem is. I always say that I'm going to lay off of the subject, yet, I go at it like nobody's business.

Uggh. I'm a doofus. lol. Do I think I've called myself enough names? Eh, probably not. I want to be the perfect girlfriend for him. I want to be there for him whenever he needs me.

I just hope he isn't scared or something that I'm going to hurt him, or vice versa. I just don't know.

Anyway, I love him, and this was a really sappy post. Excuse it... But if you've read this far... I commend you. You must be really bored!

I love you, Pootus.

Peace, Stars, Concerned Scars~
Shan

mushroom_stars @ 2005-10-03T23:28:00

2005-10-04T06:33:53Z

Okie dokie. The Shan dyed her hair BLACK.. Welp, actually the Poot dyed the Shan's hair black, so I have a tiger stripe, but I am planning on getting rid of it before the week is up, especially, since I have a concert to attend on Sunday, and I must look my best, since we are going to be right up front. hehe. GREENDAY! YAY!!!

Anyway, Pootus actually thinks it's cute, he didn't think it'd look good before we did it. My parents don't really care for it, but I love it. Anyway, here are some pix.

Okie, so I am a total nerd, but I love it. hehe. Welp, in other news, we sold the car! Thank goodness. The 51 ford that is. Tomorrow is work, I wonder if anybody will be shocked by my new hair colour. LoL. They'll probably just look at me funny. Anyway, the bug is at work right now, and I should be getting ready for bed, but I don't feel like it. I miss my baby. Anyway, I am down to about 114. :) I'm happy, but no one else is. Oh welp, they all still love me, and one day, we'll have this weight thing figured out.

Peace, Stars, Broken Scars~
Shan

So Bored.

2005-10-01T03:03:05Z

Welp, we are moving to Modesto in about a month. We bought this large house, with a huge pool. It's so badass. It's two story, and I'll be the only person on the second floor. YAY! Anyway, I'm excited about the house, but not excited about moving to Modesto. I am at least moving to a really nice neighborhood there.

I am so bored tonight.

Some of these are blurrier than others, but they are all pretty coolies. I think these are my best pics thus far. 116lbs... These pix seem to show it. The pink thing under my lip is my labret, I have a pink ball in... Some pix have a blue ball, but I think the only ones that do are the black and white ones. Enjoi.

mushroom_stars @ 2005-09-23T21:35:00

2005-09-24T04:47:36Z

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Long Time...

2005-09-20T04:28:54Z

So much has been going on lately! Welp, I guess not really, but it sure seems like it. Anyway, Pootus is finally back on Swing, so I get to sleep better at night... but most likely only for this week.

So, this coming Saturday is Aaron's wedding. I have a nice dress and new shoes for it. So, I'm kinda happy... but since Poot's in the wedding, I don't really know why I'm going. I am going to feel sad, cos he will be with the wedding party... At least I'll have my Banana Butt! :)

On Saturday, we went to Shaun's, and he had two kittens there. They looked like Taz and Pumpkin when they were babies. Anyway, he suckered me into taking them on Sunday, and since my mom wouldn't let me keep them, and Pootus wouldn't let me keep them, I had to take them somewhere. Welp, I called Pet Smart, but they go through this adoption agency which wasn't open, and it was full, because apparently it's kitten season....... So, that was a bummer. Next, we called the Stockton No Kill shelter, and they weren't open and wouldn't be until Tuesday... So, I couldn't take them there, as much as I wanted to... I couldn't keep them for even a few days. Pootus was starting to get fed up, and said that if we didn't find somewhere for them to go soon, he was going to toss them into the country... I FREAKED OUT! We went everywhere, but nothing was taking kittens. So, finally, I stood outside of SaveMart. The Tazzy looking one was grabbed quickly by this woman running up to me asking if they were free... LoL. I could tell she really wanted a kitten, and she was not crazy, so I said yes. She took him away, and it made me sad, cos I'd grown attached, but I was happy, cos I knew he was getting a good home. So, I stood outside for a long while with the orange one, and lots of folks stopped, but they all restrained themselves... Finally, Pootus and I went to Circuit City, where this girl, about my age, ecstatically called up her roommate and told her about the kitten. Welp, there went my baby Pumpkin. I was really happy, because both the kittens had homes, but I was sad to see them go. Uber cute kittens, let me tell ya. I wish I'd had a camera, because they looked just like my babies. hehe.

Anyway, that was my exciting weekend. I have an even more exciting weekend still ahead of me though. In October, I am going to see GREENDAY with Tyffany. She has front row tickets, and invited me along. I am so psyched! I can hardly stand it. :)

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, and then on Weds, I have a doctor's appointment. YAY! LoL. Okie dokie, I'm out like a broken light.

Peace, Stars, Kitten Scars~
Shan

GoodBye...

2005-09-08T06:37:17Z

Maybe we are born to find fulfillment for our souls, in our lives... Maybe you found it when you found love. Maybe once we find fulfillment, we pass on, so another soul can fulfill itself. Maybe that is why you left us so soon. You found fulfillment in a wonderful woman; in love... You found what you were searching for, and your soul was complete.

You were a beautiful soul. A warm heart, and a kind smile, friendship, and love... That's what made you, Bobby. Everyone loves you so much. We all miss you. It's just too bad that you had to go so soon. I know, I've only known you for about 6 months, but I know that you were a treasure. I'm glad that you were in my life, if only for a short time. You were such a friendly man. You always helped everyone, and it hurts me that we couldn't help you when you needed it desperately.

The last few months we didn't see quite as much of you, but that's because you were in love. We were all happy for you, even though we missed you dearly. Wherever your friendly smile went, I'm sure it's a great place. You are missed so much, by so many people. We love you, Bobby. May you rest in beautiful harmony and peace.

I love you, and I will never forget you.

Love,

Shannon

R.I.P Bobby...

2005-09-06T04:19:54Z

Well, life can change so quickly. I found that out on Friday...

I had a weird dream two days before Friday, and wondered what it meant...

Then, I had insomnia Thursday night. I stayed up all night. As well, I was sick all Thursday and Friday...

I got the call Friday afternoon. 1:30 or so. I called quickly back to Pootus, because he left an urgent message.

Our friend, that I had only known 6months, but whom Pootus had known for quite some time, died Friday morning. He was at work, on a co-worker's homemade trike. Something happened, and the trike sped into the metal door of the sign shop. A piece of the metal slit his throat. It never should have happened.

Bobby was such a great guy. He was a total sweetheart, and was a lot of fun to be around. He is missed by so many people. We all love him dearly.

This is the first night that I've been alone to think about what happened. I thought on Friday, but I had friends and Pootus. Saturday, I went to John's birthday party/Bobby party with Banana Butt and friends. Yesterday, I was with my family and friends for a barbecue at my house. Tonight, I'll think. I'll cry. I'll remember our short friendship and smile. I love you, Bobby!

Peace, Stars, Tear Stained Scars~
Shan

Miss Me?! Well... Now Ýou've Got To Kiss Me!

2005-08-30T11:05:40Z

So, I have a very hectic schedule right now. With school, work, and everything else, I'm frantic. List of things to do:

Clean bedroom and bathroom (we're selling the house and having a barbecue this weekend)
Go to the doctor (again!)
Plan my Saturday out with the Chelle Belle (cos my boifriend is going to a stripclub)
Do my homework
Fret about the clerk position
Go scouting for a dress for Aaron's wedding (the reason for the stripclub)
Sleep (not happening tonight, that's for sure)
Make sure everyone remembers to come to the barbecue
Worry about making sure Pootus knows how much I love him, even if he is going to the stripclub

Okie, is that enough, because I'm sure I'm forgetting something!

Anyway, I only ate a very small salad yesterday, and I got sooooooooo sick from it. That's the reason why I'm having to go back to the doctor! I weigh about 117/118 at this present moment... I dunno if I like it or not. My mom says she can feel how small I am and that I am tiny. People keep telling me to stop losing weight... It's annoying. I'm not really trying to lose weight, I'm just not trying to do anything to keep it from happening. I'm confused about the whole thing.
Wow... I'm about to watch Saved By The Bell... LoL.

So, Pootus is working Graveyard, and it sucks. I can't sleep by myself anymore... So, I stay awake until I just pass out, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to work. So, I won't have sleep until Midnight tomorrow at the earliest. Yea, it blows. Insomnia sucks. :(

I miss my love so much. I hope he knows that. I love him with all of my heart, and I could never think about life without him. I know I'm going to marry him someday, I just wish someday were sooner, but I can wait... Being with him is what matters, and if I have to wait for three years, like he said, I will. I love him so much. Uggh... I'm such a mushy sap! LoL.

Peace, Stars, Raised Scars~
Shan